There Is Hope For Marriage Restoration
Even for the most difficult and impossible marriage to be restored. God can bring marriage restoration. The marriage will also be better, because when a person seeks God, God won’t turn them away. Heb. 11:6, “. . . He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.” Jer. 33:3, “Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not.” Ps. 50:15, “And call upon me in the day of trouble: I will deliver thee, and thou shalt glorify me.” God will not disappoint us, Rom. 5:5, “And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.” Furthermore, God will take the wounds of the brokenhearted, and heal them, and fill them with his joy. One of the main things that Jesus did on earth was to heal the brokenhearted (that would include the terrible situation of a troubled marriage, a separation or divorce). Luke 4:18-19, “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised, 19 To preach the acceptable year of the Lord.” It is crucial that a person who is facing a troubled marriage, a separation or divorce, to turn to God. God desires marriage restoration. Ps. 46:1-4, “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. 2 Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; 3 Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof. Selah.”
God Is In Marriage Restoration
It doesn’t matter how impossible it may look. Jer. 32:17, “Ah Lord God! behold, thou hast made the heaven and the earth by thy great power and stretched out arm, and there is nothing too hard for thee:” Therefore, the all powerful God can restore your marriage. Your spouse may have said: they don’t love you anymore, or they never loved you. Even if they said they don’t ever want to see you or speak to you, or told you repeatedly to get out of their life. It also doesn’t matter if it has been years since you saw your spouse, and you may not even know where he or she is, and even if they got married, and had kids. There have been many restored marriages which were like this. God can also unite you and your covenant spouse in marriage restoration. Don’t listen to those who say you deserve better, to get on with your life- you ain’t getting any younger, etc. Stay focused on God. God changes people- that’s what He regularly does. God can change a person’s heart. Prov. 21:1, “The king’s heart is in the hand of the Lord, as the rivers of water: he turneth it whithersoever he will.” God can change your spouse’s heart; He will even take a heart that has become so hardened- like stone, and give the person a new heart. Ezk. 36:26-27, “A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh. 27 And I will put my spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes, and ye shall keep my judgments, and do them.” You can trust God- He obeys His Word. He desires to heal your marriage even more than you do.
Turn to God, and He will bring healing and comfort in your troubled marriage. Yes a troubled marriage, separation, or divorce is very painful, and often with many tears, but as you turn to God, He will draw very close to you. He- the Almighty Creator of the Universe will comfort you with His wonderful love. 2 Cor. 1:3-4, “Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; 4 Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.” You can come to know God as your Father- Jesus tells us that God is Our Father (Father God) Matt 6:9, “After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name.” You can get to know The Father, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit in a very close way. God will pour out His love upon you. Isa 51:11, “Therefore the redeemed of the Lord shall return, and come with singing unto Zion; and everlasting joy shall be upon their head: they shall obtain gladness and joy; and sorrow and mourning shall flee away.” Keep your eyes on seeking God for your life and your marriage restoration.
All of Ps. 139 tells us how much God knows about us and His wonderful thoughts to us. It says God knows everything about us. He saw us when we were in our mother’s womb Ps. 139:2-4, “Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off. 3 Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways. 4 For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O Lord, thou knowest it altogether. 16 Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them. 17 How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them! 18 If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand:”
Many Christians believe that when a spouse has committed adultery in their marriage, that is a Biblical reason for divorce. However, that is a big misunderstanding of what Jesus teaches. This is fully covered with key related scriptures- kept in context– in the Home section of this Website. It is very important to see what the Bible states, and therefore to read this section and the other sections.
Helpful Steps To Take For Marriage Restoration
With God, all things are possible, (of course it would need to be in harmony with His Word). Mark 9:23, “Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.” What if you say you don’t have faith to believe for your marriage to be restored? God has the Answer. Rom 10:17, “So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.” The Word and obeying it is the answer. We need to get God’s Word deep into our heart so that we won’t get discouraged on how circumstances and things look like. Ps 119:105, “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.” Therefore, get into God’s Word- meditate on it until you have the faith to believe God can heal your marriage. We will then stay focused and not get discouraged or side-tracked. At times- in a flash, God will also open up His Words to you in a much greater understanding and revelation. These are called Rhema words. Rhema is taken from the Hebrew word Ruwach which means Spirit (referring to God) and also means breath- A Rhema Word means God Breathed. Personally, it took a separation and a divorce of several years for me to be able to know God (not merely know about Him), but as a LOVING FATHER. GOD IS LOVE. His Love is so Wonderful. He is uniting divorced couples all over the world in marriage restoration.
God needs to be number one in our life. Mark 12:30, “And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment.” Then next in order is your spouse, children if any, work, and then ministry (if you have one). Turn fully to God and follow what He tells you. Repent of any unforgiveness, otherwise God won’t forgive you. Mark 11:26, “But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses.” God forgave you of a much bigger debt. He was crucified for you (for everyone) so that we would not spend eternity in Hell. It’s also important to forgive yourself- otherwise the devil will use that to put guilt and condemnation on you. Also, if there is any sin (‘s) in your life, you need to repent and turn away from it. Pray for guidance and wisdom. You may have had a big part in the troubled marriage, separation or divorce, but God says in 1 Jn. 1:9, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
Don’t put a time limit to when you want your prayer (’s) answered. Believe God- because He says He will give us all things. Rom 8:32, “He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?”
And be confident that God will answer your prayers. 1 John 5:14-15, “And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we ask any thing according to his will, he heareth us: 15 And if we know that he hear us, whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we desired of him.” John 14:13-15, “And whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. 14 If ye shall ask any thing in my name, I will do it. 15 If ye love me, keep my commandments.” Jn. 15:7, “If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you.” We need to be careful to not pick and choose the verses we like, and dismiss and not obey verses we don’t like.
John 15:7, 23, “If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you.” Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remain: that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you.” Therefore, even is our spouse is not interested in marriage restoration, or doesn’t think there is a problem, God will still answer our prayers. 1 Peter 3:1-2, “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; 2 While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.”
See if you can find a prayer partner (who also believes in marriage restoration) to support you. It is very important that the prayer partner be of the same sex for several reasons. First, you don’t want to give any impression to anyone that you are confiding with a person of the opposite sex. Two, the devil can also use that person as a temptation. Also, don’t be alone (having a meal, driving in the car, etc.) with a person of the opposite sex. There have been many cases in which a close friend of the opposite sex (when the person was married) which led to sexual relations and sometimes a marriage. This also applies to having counseling. The Bible states, 1 Thes. 5:22, “Abstain from all appearance of evil.” Three, it would also create a problem if your spouse found out you were confiding with someone of the opposite sex. It’s OK to be part of a mixed prayer group. It’s also wise to stay away from single social gatherings.
To try and stand alone in marriage restoration, is closing off yourself to the aid of others is setting yourself up for failure and defeat (that was true in my case, but after repentance God turned it around). Everyone has times in their life when they are down, and others (who believe in marriage restoration) can pray and encourage to lift you up in vulnerable times. If you can’t find a prayer partner (it could be on the phone), find a good support group. If you could find a marriage restoration group that you could attend, that would also be very good; there is strength in numbers. Some groups send out emails and have resources (book, CD’s, online video, etc.) that you can link up with.
Fortunately, more pastors are advocating marriage restoration. There are some remarkable testimonies to what God is doing in restored marriages. Marriage restoration is a far better answer than “divorce recovery.” Divorce Recovery does offer help for the spouse to cope and receive some healing from the divorce, but my experience and speaking to others, some of them don’t speak against the spouse marrying another person when the original covenant spouse is still alive. This is contrary to what the Bible teaches, this is fully covered in the Home section of this Website. One key scripture (there are many others) is Rom. 7:1-2, “For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. 3 So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.” Some people in a Divorce Recovery Group end up marrying another person in the Divorce Recovery Group, or another person. This is a giant mistake and complicates the restoration process. The Bible gives a very strong warning of what can happen when a person marries someone other than their living spouse. This is covered in detail in another section- please read the other sections so that you have a complete picture and not a partial understanding of what the Bible teaches.
Marriage Seminars are also very helpful. However, many times both spouse’s can’t attend. There are many other resources available- books, CD’s, DVD’s, etc. available. They cover how the spouse’s should act or respond to the many different kinds of situations that can occur. But people can get bogged down in doing all the right things, and what steps to take with your spouse on all different kinds of situations. However, the core for marriage restoration is the following. For the man, the emphasis is that he love his wife as Christ loved the church. Eph. 5:25, “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, . . .” Unfortunately, some days the man is very unloving, and at times he can be a big jerk (I was very guilty). Christ always loved the church- so what is the problem with the man? The Bible doesn’t say husbands most of the times love your wife- it is supposed to be all the time. However, there is no way that the man can love the wife as Christ loved the church, unless one main thing, which many men have not done (the answer is partially due to lack of sufficient teaching). So what is the answer? Very simple, the husband needs to fully surrender and fully commit to the Lord. Jesus says Mark 12:30, “And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment.” Jesus states (everyone) is to love the Lord with their whole being- to fully surrender and commit to Him. Many men (many Christians) haven’t fully surrendered to the Lord (it took me 35-years after becoming a Christian). Full surrender to Jesus is wonderful, and when you do that, you will be so gland you did. You will grow enormously in your spiritual walk and develop a loving relation to Jesus, the Father, and the Holy Spirit.
My belief is that in most troubled marriages, the man is the main problem mainly because if he was loving the wife as Christ dose the church, the marriage would be wonderful. The woman could easily love this type of man. However, God gives the woman a very special favor when the man is not loving his wife as Christ does. 1 Peter 3:1-2, “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; 2 While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.” Conversation (KJ) is referring to behavior. The man would be won over to the Lord and to the wife because of her loving behavior.
The main emphasis for the woman in marriage is stated in Eph. 5:22-23, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.” The man is the head, but he needs to exercise his headship as a servant leader like Christ loved the Church. However, if the wife is subject to physical violence that is life threatening, for her sake (and children), my opinion is that it would be wise for them to separate from the husband until he can get the proper help and be healed from that condition. There are other people who would concur, and say the same if there is a serious drug problem, or serious criminal behavior.
Keeping a Journal is another very helpful Key in marriage restoration. Many people have kept a Journal in their Restoration. The entries can include what God has shown you, your ups, your downs, prayers, dreams, what has taken place, Rhema words that God has given you, etc. There is a saying, “the dullest pencil is sharper than the sharpest mind.” Journals have proven to be a very valuable tool for those who have used them. You can also make a recording on your phone or another device as there are times when you are not able to write. Then later write the recording (‘s) down, but don’t let them pile up without writing them or you may have many hours to catch up. Every so often go back and read some of the entries and you will be amazed of how God has been active in your life and of you getting closer in your relation to Him.
Spend time with the Lord and not just praying and asking Him for things. God really wants to hear from you and to spend time with Him without you always asking Him for things. It’s similar to when you met your spouse and courting- there were times you just wanted to hang-out and just be with him or her and not be going here and there. Your heavenly Father, Jesus and the Holy Spirit desire a relation that is like a dear close friend- of course He is the Almighty and not your buddy.
It’s such a big blessing when God shows up with His presence and Love. That can take place in your devotion or quiet time, a sermon or teaching, listening to a song, taking a walk, etc. He doesn’t want to be put in a box, so don’t automatically expect Him to only show up during your devotion or quiet time. There can be times when God just shows up because He just wants to let you know how much He loves us. This whole time of restoration can be a very great Blessing in getting very close to God. You of course still miss your spouse, but you will come to remember that God needs to be number one. Your spouse is next, then family, work and then ministry (if you have a ministry). Marriage restoration is a big part of the plan.
Be fully committed to God. A spouse who has gotten out of a non-covenant marriage, and yielding to Him, can expect God to restore the covenant marriage in His timing. Ps. 84:11, “For the Lord God is a sun and shield: the Lord will give grace and glory: no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly.” A marriage is a good thing, so God will honor His Word. Our part is to diligently seek Him and allow Him to guide, and we will also come to know our unique life calling (if He hasn’t yet revealed it).
Don’t argue with your spouse– even if they are totally wrong. Arguing doesn’t solve the problem; it makes it worse and is wrong. Prov. 15:1, “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.” Therefore, respond in a loving manner- use gentle words that don’t put blame on them, rather than choosing to argue. You may fail the first few times in doing this, but with God you will succeed.You will then be drawing them closer to unity rather than further away, and also becoming closer to God. The director of one National Marriage Restoration ministry advocates “zip the lips.”
Our Authority Over The Devil
Luke 10:19, “Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall by any means hurt you.” We need to be bold yet humble in what Jesus has given us. The devil uses two main tactics against us. One, he speaks lies to our minds (often we are unaware it’s him). He will say your spouse is never coming back, you messed up, and a host of other things. He also uses people to discourage you even though they may think they are trying to help you. The second way is the devil pushes your buttons and tries very hard to have the spouse’s argue with each other. Keep in mind your spouse is not the enemy.
Speaking the Full Armor of God is also very effective against the attacks of the devil who wants to prevent marriage restoration. Speaking God’s Word out loud and believing it. Genesis states that God said- He spoke; He didn’t merely think. Therefore, we need to speak at certain times. You can speak God’s Word over yourself, your spouse, family members, or others. You can substitute the pronouns in the verses (you, he, she, we, they, etc.) with your spouse or child’s name. Eph. 6:10-18, “Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might. 11 Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. 12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. 13 Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. 14 Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness; 15 And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace; 16 Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. 17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God: 18 Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints;”
It is not necessary to always speak out loud when you pray for your spouse or others. However, do it at certain times. God does tell us Mark 11:23-24, “For verily I say unto you, That whosoever shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; and shall not doubt in his heart, but shall believe that those things which he saith shall come to pass; he shall have whatsoever he saith. 24 Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them.”
You can also pray corresponding and related scriptures when you quote or speak out loud each piece of armor. Jesus already defeated the devil, so don’t listen to the lies of the devil which he speaks over your mind (your spouse, your children). The devil will often say your spouse is never coming back, it’s impossible, etc. Also praying the “Our Father,” (also praying related scriptures with each part of the prayer is very good.
Summary For Marriage Restoration
GOD is a BIG GOD. He created the Universe with all the diverse things, animals, people. God has a special plan for you and your spouse, don’t give up on Him, He will work out your marriage restoration and you will be closer than ever before. John 15:16, “Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remain: that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you.” God will also restore. Joel 2:25, “And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the cankerworm, and the caterpiller, and the palmerworm, my great army which I sent among you.” There are many incredible Marriage Testimonials and God can do the same for you. God will never let us down or forsake us. Heb 13:5, “. . . I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.”
Praise the Holy Name of Jesus, The Father, and the Holy Spirit.
contact: firstname.lastname@example.org Because of time constraints, we can’t respond to all emails. We don’t provide counseling.
The following Website is highly recommended to find an abundance of Resource information, and other helpful information. www.rejoicemarriageministries.org This site has Videos, a daily devotional that can be emailed to you, testimonials, Radio Broadcasts, conference calls, etc.
Wishing you Many Blessings- Eph. 1:17-19